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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” to which she replied,

“There certainly is!” The computer keeps saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A policeman approaches her and says,
“Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”

She says, “Why, officer?”

“Because your breast is hanging out.” He says.

She looks down and says, “OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!”

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in printer !!!

March - Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”

April - Trapped on escalator for hours ….. Power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions….8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm…..car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October - Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days … Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December - Couldn’t call 911 ….. “duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!

A young blonde woman in Perth was so depressed that she decided to End her life by throwing herself from the Narrows Bridge.

She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid Water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of The bridge, crying.

He took pity on her and said, “Look, you have so much to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you Away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every Day.”

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a Fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece Of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by The captain.

“What are you doing here?” the captain asked. “I have an arrangement With one of the sailors, who’s stowed me away” she explained. I get Food and free passage to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” the captain said. - “this is the Rottnest Ferry.”

Surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake so he examined her.

“You’ll be fine,” he said.

She asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. “What’s the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”

He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.

Remember this is a true story.

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform.

It wouldn’t plane at all, and it was very luggish in almost every manoeuvre, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath only to come up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

REMEMBER, this is TRUE.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.
She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle
and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so…” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken”