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A woman sitting in a restaurant suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress.

Two locals, MacKenzie and MacDonald sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

Kin ya swalla? Asked MacKenzie. The woman signalled ‘No!’, desperately shaking her head.

Kin ya breath? Asked MacDonald. The woman shook her head NO !!!

With that, MacKenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her backside. This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm, that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breath again.

MacKenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

MacDonald said in admiration, “Ya know MacKenzie, I’d heard of that Bloody ‘Hind Lick Manoeuvre’, but that’s the first time I ever seen Somebody do it”.

Every once in a while you see a simple act of patriotism that just fills your heart with so much pride that you get lumps in your throat.

KIND OF BRINGS A TEAR TO YOUR EYE, DOESN’T IT!

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

Well, it’s shit … that’s right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can’t tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don’t need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don’t give a shit!

Well, Shit, it’s time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit ………

Well, Shit Happens!!!