mid4.net

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

But every now and then he’d hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said:

“Dave, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be the last.

And you’re single. Just let it go.”

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality.

Whispering……

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Dave…….

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Dave……..

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Dave……..

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…….you’re a vet

See how far you can throw Santa… my highest is 334.9

Sling Santa

Damn that music gets annoying after a while…

Cartman’s way of spreading the love…

“I love you guys”

I just read an article on the dangers of drinking….

Scared the s%#t out of me!

So I decided - That’s it!!!

After today…

No more reading.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic…

“Try doing it with the engine running.”

A couple take on an 18 year old girl as a lodger.

She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bathroom but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

“Monday’s the best night, when my husband goes out to play darts,” she said, so the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

So after her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the girl didn’t have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home.

He didn’t believe her so she replied, “Next week I’ll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself.”

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, “Do you shave?”

“No,” replied the girl. “I’ve just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?”

“Oh yes,” said the woman and she showed off her great, hairy muff.

When the husband got back in she asked, “Did you see it?”

“Yes,” he said. “But why the hell did you have to show her yours?”

“Why not?” she retorted. “You’ve seen it all before.”

“I know,” he said, “but the fuc$ing darts team hadn’t!”

`

I have three dogs and I was buying a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and standing in line at the check out.

The woman behind me asked: “Do you have a dog.”

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 20 kilos before I woke up in intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch… Why else would I buy dog food??