mid4.net

It’s kinda like Simpsons The Movie, but except its Minesweeper the Movie and its nothing like the Simpsons at all… its more like.. well.. Minesweeper…

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on an airplane that was leaving Chicago O’Hare. The stranger turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”

Oh, I don’t know”, said the stranger, “How about nuclear power?”

“OK”, she said. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

The stranger thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

The little girl then asks, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”

I was feeling a bit lonely so I decided life would be more fun if I had a pet.

So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to Buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house. I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.

So, I asked the Centipede in the box, “Would you like to go down The Queen’s Head Pub with me and have a beer?” But there was no answer.

This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him again, “How about going to the pub for a drink?”

But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet.

So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. I decided to ask him one more time; this time putting my face up against the centipede’s house and shouting,
“Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Queen’s Head Pub and have a drink with me?”

A little voice came out of the box: “I heard you the first time — I’m putting my fucking shoes on!!”

Beware of Supermarket Scam

A “heads up” for you and any of your friends who may be regular male Supermarket customers. Over the last month I became the victim of a clever Scam whilst out shopping. Simply going out shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you.

Here’s how the scam works: Two seriously good looking 18 or 19 year old Girls come over to your car as you are loading your stuff into the car. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is Impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No” and instead ask you for a ride to Big W. you agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them Climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.