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Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

“What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.

“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”

“Oh, Bill, you didn’t” she exclaimed.

“Yes, I did.” he replied.
“My God, Bill, what happened?”
“I got fired.”

“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

“Oh…she got fired too.”

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast…

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 221.”

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

A young blonde woman in Perth was so depressed that she decided to End her life by throwing herself from the Narrows Bridge.

She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid Water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of The bridge, crying.

He took pity on her and said, “Look, you have so much to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you Away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every Day.”

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a Fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece Of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by The captain.

“What are you doing here?” the captain asked. “I have an arrangement With one of the sailors, who’s stowed me away” she explained. I get Food and free passage to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” the captain said. - “this is the Rottnest Ferry.”

This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston:

Now that you’ve seen the outside view, take a look at the inside view…

It’s made entirely of one-way glass! No one can see you from the outside, but when you are inside, it’s like sitting in a clear glass box!

Now would you… COULD YOU… use it?!

In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase……… “goodnight, sleep tight.”

You’ve climbed the fridge dangling Christmas lights…