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Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children What their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, Fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy Was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about His father.

“My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his Clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, He’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with Him.”

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

“No” said Billy, “He plays cricket for England but I was just too Embarrassed to say.”

When you just don’t know what to give someone…

Surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake so he examined her.

“You’ll be fine,” he said.

She asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. “What’s the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”

He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.

Here’s the hidden message from R2 that came before the real message from Leia, that they didn’t show you…

EVE’S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

“So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It’s all so beautiful” she replied. “Everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It’s these breasts you’ve given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I’m constantly knocking them with my arms.”

She went on to tell Him that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc…….she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced,” as she put it.

“That is a fair point, but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.” And He reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.

Now let’s see…………where did I put that useless tit?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that stuff about the rib?

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions”. “Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his Willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree”. “A Christmas tree?”

“Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

This is why you don’t cheat on your partner…

A guy goes to a doctor and says “Doc, I need a bigger wiener, can you help me?”. The doc says “As a matter of fact there is a new procedure where we use part of a baby elephants trunk as an implant. It doesn’t hurt the elephant and it seems to work great.”

The guy has the operation the next week. A month later he is on a date with a beautiful young blond.

His first date with his new wiener.

They are having dinner at a fancy restaurant and making small talk when all of the sudden his wiener comes up from beneath the table and grabs a Biscuit and disappears beneath the table.

His date looks at him and says “Gosh, can you do that again?”. Embarrassed he says “I probably could, but I don’t think my ass could handle Another Biscuit.