Sick Day Excuse…
– One man’s brilliant sick day excuse –
On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because
the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in
the next day. By then, I could think up a beaut lie to explain
the bandage on my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife’s
wishes to adopt a little kitten. Initially, the new acquisition
was no problem, but one morning, I was taking my shower after
breakfast, when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the
kitchen.
“Ed! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and reset it. ”
“You know where the button is,” I protested through the shower
pitter-patter.
“Please, I’m scared!” she pleaded.
“What if it starts going and sucks me in?” (Pause)
“Come on, it’ll only take a second.”
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping to make a
statement about how her cowardly behaviour was not without
consequence.
I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the
button.
It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without
warning any or consideration for my inadequacy to defend myself.
No, it wasn’t the garbage disposal drawing me into its gnashing
metal teeth. It was our new kitten, clawing playfully at the
dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised
around the corner and stalked me as I was otherwise engaged under
the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she
leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered, and snagged them with
her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full
weight of a kitten hanging from my tackle.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a “fight or flight”
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the “flight”
option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded
my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having
been fully briefed by my wife, the ambulance officers pissed
themselves as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing
hysterical laughter.
At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.
“What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?
If they had only known.