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Ever wonder what happened behind the scenes at the Emperors place after the Rebel Alliance blew up the first Death Star?  Or how Darth Vader broke the bad news to the Emperor?  Well now you know…

For his birthday, Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this
house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way
we can afford it

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front
door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night
and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her
tell you to wait because she was coming too.  And, I'll be damned
if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!

Baby conceived naturally.  Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Postal Service raises price of stamps to $17.89 each and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to
weight loss.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil
rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by
March 2089.

Warning to all dog owners: Watch your dog!

Dogs are being picked off one at a time.

They are falling in great numbers.

Police advise all dog owners to "Watch your Dog".

See Below…

Some crazy badges…

20 THINGS THAT IT TOOK 50 YEARS TO LEARN
 
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
 
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be "meetings."
 
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
 
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
 
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its
glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT
use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
 
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
 
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it
too seriously.
 
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take
command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
 
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
 
10. Never lick a steak knife.
 
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
 
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
 
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
 
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
 
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age
eleven.
 
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average
drivers.
 
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is
to annoy people who are not in them.
 
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never
fails.)
 
19. Your friends love you anyway.
 
20. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of
professionals built the Titanic.
 

There has been an ongoing search for X, for many years!  No one seems to be able to find it, because the question to find X keeps recurring. 

After much contemplation Peter finally managed to find x…

Here is some GREAT news from the Pentagon…

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces
(USRSF).

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgla, Kentucky, Mlssissippi, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today
2. There is no limit
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday

Imagine this…

You are a South African bush pilot. You fly in some critical medical
supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital.

It's a stifling 100 degrees in the shade and you're eager to get back up to
the cool, high blue yonder.

On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade,
within 10 miles, has become very popular . . . You start calculating the
distance to the plane door . And wonder . .

  "Do I feel lucky today?"

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set
of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the
pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny
size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly
started to decline in health, although physically she was fine.
The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the
tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if
the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she
would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the
depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right
age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians
decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo
environment.

Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a
different species. The only orphans" that could be found quickly,
were a litter of weaner pigs.

The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and
placed the babies around the mother tiger…