The Squirrel And The Goat
The Squirrel And The Goat
There are two versions to this story, the old world version, and
the modern world version.
THE OLD WORLD VERSION
The Squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.
The Goat thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
plays the Summer away.
Come winter, the Squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering Goat has no food or shelter, so he dies out
in the cold.
THE END
THE MODERN WORLD VERSION
The Squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.
The Goat thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come Winter, the Squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering Goat, calls a press
conference, and demands to know why the Squirrel should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like
the Goat, are cold and starving.
The media's Current Affair program shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering Goat; with cuts to a video of the
Squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with
food.
The Press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor Goat is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty.
The Environmentalist Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The
Goat Council demonstrate in front of the Squirrel's house. The
Media with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome".
Some Goat enthusiast rants in an interview with journalists that the
Squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of Goats, and calls for an
immediate tax hike on the Squirrel to make him pay his "fair
share" and increases the charge for Squirrels to enter the city
centre.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic Equity and Goat Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The Squirrels's taxes are
reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire
Goats as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an
additional fine for contempt when he told the court the Goat did
not want to work.
The Goat is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can
be socially mobile.
The Squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more
needy members of society, in this case the Goat.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
newly imposed retroactive taxes, the Squirrel has to downsize and
start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane
to get into the country, as they had to share their country of
origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport
because of the nations apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released
because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in
custody.
Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned
because it was feared they would face death by the mice.
The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from everyones
credit cards.
A 60 Minutes special shows the Goat finishing up the last of the
Squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the
council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
Inadequate government funding is blamed for the Goat's drug
"Illness".
The cats seek recompense in the courts for their treatment since
arrival in the country.
The Goat gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10,000,000 in
tax payers money, to State the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme
for Goats and legal aid for lawyers representing cat asylum
seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the
government for enriching the country's multicultural diversity
and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend
the cats.
The Goat dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
experience in prison. They call for the resignation of a
minister.
The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights
were infringed when the government failed to inform them there
were mice in the country.
The Squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they
will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government
funds.
THE END