mid4.net

New threat announced!

NEW YORK — A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a
slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra
movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a
problem for us," Gonzales said.

"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go
off on tangents in search of absolute values.

"They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in
every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,
'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God
had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the president.

Cool… that means I won't need to charge my mobile or laptop anymore

Wow, this is creating a bit of buzz at the moment. Sean McCarthy (CEO of Steorn Ltd) has recently been interviewed by Fox News also. 

However, if it is a hoax just to demonstrate the power of Internet as a media and marketing platform… then that would be really annoying… back to charging my mobile using a wall power socket

Here it is…

To all fellow travelers — a new airline!

WELCOME TO TPA (Terrorist-Proof Airlines)

We at TPA, Terrorist-Proof Airlines, are in the flying business!

We can absolutely guarantee no WALK-ON GUNS, KNIVES, BOX CUTTERS,
SHOE-BOMBS or other weapons will ever be carried onto OUR
FLIGHTS!

Book your next flight with TPA, the safest airline in the
industry.

This blog has just been Technoratied :-D 

Technorati Profile

AN ENGINEERING MASTER PIECE

During the construction phase……
Dubai, United Arab Emirates

All finished.             Notice the palm trees outside……….

The INSIDE view:

hold on a second… is that snow and skii lifts?

Remember, this is in the middle of the desert…. The very HOT
desert where temperatures get up to 120 degrees…..
Unbelievable! But true…..

That is snow!  A LOT of snow…  and skii slops inside!

We wonder why petrol prices are going north of $3.00 a litre for unleaded? 

So people can ski in the FRICKK'IN desert!!! 

If this keeps up we'll have to resort to this:

or this…

or this…

or this…

or this…

or this…

The Squirrel And The Goat

There are two versions to this story, the old world version, and
the modern world version. 

THE OLD WORLD VERSION

The Squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.

The Goat thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
plays the Summer away.

Come winter, the Squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering Goat has no food or shelter, so he dies out
in the cold.

THE END

THE MODERN WORLD VERSION

The Squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.

The Goat thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come Winter, the Squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering Goat, calls a press
conference, and demands to know why the Squirrel should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like
the Goat, are cold and starving.

The media's Current Affair program shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering Goat; with cuts to a video of the
Squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with
food.

The Press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor Goat is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty.

The Environmentalist Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The
Goat Council demonstrate in front of the Squirrel's house. The
Media with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome".

Some Goat enthusiast rants in an interview with journalists that the
Squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of Goats, and calls for an
immediate tax hike on the Squirrel to make him pay his "fair
share" and increases the charge for Squirrels to enter the city
centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic Equity and Goat Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The Squirrels's taxes are
reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire
Goats as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an
additional fine for contempt when he told the court the Goat did
not want to work.

The Goat is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can
be socially mobile.

The Squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more
needy members of society, in this case the Goat.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
newly imposed retroactive taxes, the Squirrel has to downsize and
start building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane
to get into the country, as they had to share their country of
origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport
because of the nations apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released
because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in
custody.

Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned
because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from everyones
credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the Goat finishing up the last of the
Squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the
council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
Inadequate government funding is blamed for the Goat's drug
"Illness".

The cats seek recompense in the courts for their treatment since
arrival in the country.

The Goat gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10,000,000 in
tax payers money, to State the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme
for Goats and legal aid for lawyers representing cat asylum
seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the
government for enriching the country's multicultural diversity
and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend
the cats.

The Goat dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
experience in prison. They call for the resignation of a
minister.

The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights
were infringed when the government failed to inform them there
were mice in the country.

The Squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they
will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government
funds.

THE END

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy.

- Do something she likes, and you get points.  
- Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
- You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system…

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy(-2)

Named Tina (-4)

Tina is a dancer (-6)

Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter
what]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying
what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Wow there's even a movie about this…

Ted Stevens a United States Senator from Alaska is currently the chairman of the United States Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation. 

He recently gave his take on Net Neutrality, a US senate bill that would allow the largest telephone and cable companies (including AT&T, Verizon, Comcast and Time Warner) to be Internet gatekeepers, deciding which Web sites go fast or slow and which won't load at all. That would suck!

Here is Ted Stevens original speech on Net Neutrality (classic): this guy obviously has no idea about how the Internet works, or technology in general.

Richard gives a comprehensive explaination on his Show… the RichardShow

Even Ask a Ninja has a take on Net Neutrality!

And here is Jon Stewart's summary of that speech on Net Neutrality…

I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the
newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry…BUT
FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper.

After that, I notice the mail on the table.

OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack….BUT FIRST
I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills
to be paid. Yes.

Now where is the checkbook? Oops..  there's the empty glass from
yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that
checkbook….BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.

I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor
flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and
there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter.  What's it
doing here?

I'll just put it away….BUT FIRST need to water those plants.  I
head for the door and…Aaaagh! stepped on the cat.  Cat needs to
be fed.  Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the
plants….BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the
floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook
is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control…And, when I
try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled
because…I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious…I'd get help…

BUT FIRST…I think I'll check my e-mail…

From a sand castle competition… 

I believe that in these difficult and mean-spirited times we live
in, there needs to be a message of hope.  Just a single image
that speaks to us of love, harmony, peace and joy.  An image that
suggests the universal brotherhood of man. I have found that
image, and I ask that all of you take a moment to be inspired by
it…………………  

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He Thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot — Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room- spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24.. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface, was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

 This one is a little drawn out, but still fun to hear the various play on words…

You've seen one big deck you've seen 'em all?

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married
within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about
how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise
to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how
marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the
wedding.The card said nothing but "Nescafe".

Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got
out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good til the last drop."

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the
wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go
straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size".

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her
daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean.
Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still
nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British
Airways".

Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through
the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British
Airways.

The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Mom fainted …..